“Heart in the Clouds” by Jenny Landgraf www.zazzle.com/jenland
On the morning of Valentine’s Day, 2012, I awaken from this dream:
One of my godsons has a message for me, “Please paint a template of the backside of my heart.”
He is the one,who at the age of four spoke eloquently and with great compassion about Eckhart Tolle’s concept of the pain body to be found in Tolle’s first book ~ my favorite ~ The Power of Now. Read this book. To this day I am in awe of the wisdom that came from one so young in earthly years~ a mere 4 years old.
I vow that sometime during this Valentine’s Day I will paint in the medium I know best: writing. I know this dream is informing me further about Mars Retrograde in Leo~hearts in re-evaluation~a re-examination of our past desires and a courageous reinvention of our selves based on the beckoning of what is calling us next. Healthy shifts albeit initiatory. As in the fires of initiation.Oh my.
~To write from the backside of my heart~what hidden mystery lives there~curious~
I take this dream/ these words to my yoga class the morning of Valentine’s Day and it seems important to share them with my friend/teacher Sundari www.itsonlyadance.com. She asks if she can speak about this during class and when she does she mentions the idea of the Great Heart that resides in the vicinity of our physical backside. A grand universal Heartforce that supports our earthly individual physical heart~ that literally has our backs~ supporting and sustaining us. Lovely. True.
Perhaps it is this Great Heart too that heals the unresolved issues lodged in the backside of our hearts. Or so I imagined it to be in class that morning.
Three Layers of Heart
1~We have our physical heart~front and center~that beats with life and keeps us alive~our guiding sustaining light~what we show to the world
2~Behold and feel into the backside of your heart which holds your shadow and all that entails~your shadow~easy to ignore or deny~but it is still there~a force in your life~sometimes unconscious yet real~and powerful~and the source for much of what drives you to create a better world within you~around you~out of our personal suffering we seek to make a better world with less suffering~don’t ignore or deny it~it is a holy gift
3~And there is the Great Universal Heart~backing the backside and bringing about understanding/healing of our deepest grievances~
~Mars is in celestial reflection~the meaning of retrogradation~
~Pause and take a moment to contemplate these three layers of your Heart~
I am a steady balanced being for the most part, grateful for that. But that does not mean I haven’t gone right up to the edge of the insanity of grief or the contemplation of release. I too am being put back together after my great dismantling since 2009~the great unraveling for all of us.
What a gift to be given this assignment by my dreams/my Guides/my godson to write about the template of the backside of my heart. I con-template the word template that was part of this dream. A template: something that serves as a model for others to copy~a timber used to distribute the weight~a preset format for a document or file. Hmmmm. More to consider. A template sounds much like what the Moon is in astrological language. It holds the history of our heart and support of who we are. And~ it can keep repeating old patterns endlessly.
When I at last sat down to write at the end of Valentine’s Day this is what emerged, with little editing.
the backside of my heart
holds all the grief and anguish loss
of perceived years lost
the tenderness of imagined love lost
it holds my heart
when we move forward
we do so from our past
we learn we grow release
we either die from our grief or
~we are reborn~
the backside of my heart too
holds resurrection and renewal
if I will visit there
and pay attention
the backside of my heart is
backdrop for the
history of my heart
the backdrop of my heart is
the history of my heart is what lays behind
it got me here
but it won’t get me
I am not entirely sure what those last words mean, but they feel right.
~It got me here but it won’t get me there~
If you are so inspired, try this exercise for yourself and see what emerges naturally, passionately and unedited from the backside of your heart.
Think of this as writing from the paradox of the night-time Sun ~ the light of a full Moon ~ realization
Write/create from the light that has come from your darkest moments. This is the template of the backside of your heart that informs/guides/helps you decide what to do next. Nothing to run from, not to be ignored or to hide from but witness and cherish and be thankful for. And also to be released so you don’t keep repeating the patterns of your past.
This is your internal wisdom wrought from the gifts and trials of your individual life
in Truth the only truth there is
Write/paint/converse/create from the Light that emerges from the Dark of night
“Full Moon” by Jackson Hole photographer Roger Hayden
It is not surprising that during these particular astrological cycles many relationships are unraveling and revealing core issues that must finally be resolved for health and life to continue. Astrology is simply the art of timing~of living in the natural flow of life~the NOW. It is the reason I remain a student of astrological science. Studying the cosmic cycles continues to teach me how to embrace the absolute perfection of the unfolding moment~how to ride those waves~setting intention then watching in awe the miracles unfold. The great Universal Heart is always in all ways taking us toward our evolutionary potential. Yet often not without birth pangs. Pang: a sudden sharp pain or painful emotion.
So: the time has come to release yourself from what no longer has heart and meaning in a supportive kind loving way. It is time to shift. Don’t fight it. Be grateful, no matter how painful it is. This is really what you too have been praying for so you can re-invent your life based on your heart’s happiness. So that your heart stays healthy, so no heart attacks need happen, so that you are freed as you free another to find a way to bridge your life to a more joyful fullfilling existence.
Some of you will stay within your partnerships and revitalize and reinvent them. Others of you will have to leave as a matter of survival.
And always remember what I speak of can also apply to an outgrown relationship with your Self. Relationships both inside and out are at risk and up for re-invention.
On Valentine’s Day, in our yoga class Sundari spoke about not just having integrity/clarity going INTO a yogic pose~metaphor for going into a relationship~but the integrity of coming OUT of a pose so as to minimalize injury~metaphor for leaving a relationship~as that is where injury most likely will occur~
When I heard her say this I immediately was aware of how many of my compatriots~me~are currently coming out of long-standing relationships be they personal/professional/with Self.
~they got you here but they won’t get you there~
~the importance of coming out of a pose with integrity so as to not cause injury~
Whatever the circumstance, may you follow the integrity of your heart’s truth~a state of being whole and undivided~so you can cause the least amount of injury to yourself and to those around you.
With love from the new Field,